This is me.
Hi. I'm Madyson. I'm 13 and am an 8th grader. I've created this site to express myself and to help others with depression, low self esteem, dealing with hate, school issues, etc. In order for me to do that, I think it's important that you learn about me first.
My Story.
When I was younger. I never had to worry about how much I weighed, what I wore, how I looked, and what others thought of me. I was just me. I was just a young girl who was never insecure. Around 1st grade, I started getting picked on. This group of girls would call me rude names and make fun of the clothes I would wear. I remember wearing a lime green outfit to school. As soon as I walked through the doors, they were there. They started calling me a leprechaun. What I ever did to them? I couldn't tell you, because I have no clue. They picked on me through 2nd grade, causing me to start becoming insecure for the first time. Then, I got into 3rd grade, where they weren't as bad. Now boys start getting involved. They told me I was too tall or my feet were too big or that I was too good. I struggled with weight and height already, but now that people were telling me about it.... I couldn't stand the hate, so I started shutting people out. I didn't have many friends. Music was really my only escape. Then came fourth grade. Not much changed. I had made maybe one or two more friends. But other than that, nothing changed. I was still the same insecure girl I had been the year before. But, then I joined choir and a play that my school was putting on. They decided to do Annie. I figured out that I wanted to pursue in music for sure that year. I tried to get the lead role in the play as Annie, but I didn't get it. This brought my self esteem down and made me think, you're just not good enough for this play. I had still gotten a pretty frequent part as Daddy Warbuck's private secretary, Grace Farrell. I still didn't think I was good enough. In fifth grade, most of the hate had slowed down, but I was still insecure. I had made some new friends. And it was all good. My school was K-6. So my transition to 6th grade wasn't that hard. But, then I had my first real relationship. I really liked him. We exchanged the I love yous. But it didn't last long. He had cheated on me and I was heartbroken. He then asked me to be his again, and I was so gullible, I said yes. Then he totally just broke it off. And the best part.. It was for my best friend. I was heartbroken. I felt like my life was over. Of course the year continued, and 6th grade just sort of, flew by. Then came the big transition. Going from elementary school to Jr High. This is when I started hearing voices. They said things like, they are talking about you, and, you aren't good enough for this. I started getting depressed. I didn't let anyone know though. I just faked a smile. The voices kept taunting me. Why would you even think they love you, you're fat, you're useless, you're a nobody, don't even try. I couldn't take it. I would go up in my room and cry almost everyday it seemed like. Then, we were a week away from one of our assemblies in school. Out of no where, our choir teacher tells us they needed someone to sing the National Anthem at the assembly. If we wanted to do it. We had to audition in front of our whole class. I wanted to do it, but I was afraid of being judged, like I always was. I finally decided to audition, and I ended up getting it, and having to sing in front of my whole school, which, has around 800-900 people in it! Yikes! I sang it and I actually felt pretty good afterwards, but was still very insecure. My self esteem hadn't raised any. And now here I am. It's summer and everything is better. Now. Let me tell you. I'm a Christian. I was in church a few weeks ago, and we had a powerful night. I was already crying, and this girl comes up to me and asked if she could pray for me. I told her yes. She was praying for me and all the sudden, she told me I was beautiful. I'm not quite sure what happened, but something hit me, not literally, and I just started sobbing. Then, another girl came up to me, and was telling me the same thing and they were both just sitting there hugging me and talking to me while I was sobbing like crazy. And all the sudden, I realized. I. Am. Beautiful. All those years of letting the voices and the people get to me, was for nothing. I know I'm not skinny, or the prettiest person alive, or the best dressed person, but I am me. Everyone shouldn't want to be anyone but themselves. I realized that I shouldn't want to change myself for the sake of others. Now don't get me wrong. I still hear voices. But I've come to realized it's just my own negative thoughts. So I just tell them to shut up and instead fill my head with positive thoughts.